I’ll be away for some time?!
Got some deadline(s) and want a break. Also I want to control my sex urge and this blog sometimes strokes my desire; will be online but mostly for work. For some months now this blog will have few posts. Can I really be away from this blog?! Reification (Marxism) is the word that comes to my mind when I think of this blog. I feel I am with S when I am with Musepaper! So I will have to try really hard to stay away from it.
I am so careless now; I couldn’t find my camera bill so had to get a duplicate bill issued from the dealer near Priya cinema (also ate one McDonald cone and bought a pair of Rbk cotton socks). Will go to give cam for repair some other day. Nehru Place shopping was fine and all it took was 90 minutes. Got new DVD writer (~1200 Rupees) and Kaspersky antivirus (550 Rupees for 3 computers).
Click here to read the ~800 posts on this blog to date. Here are few handpicked Hindi posts that I like:
I luv S
Conscience: Ok, what was the need to write this again now?
Me: No need, I just did it without any reason. I’m feeling good.
Conscience: Ok go now and do something that she can be proud of. You’ve done things but that’s not enough.
Me: Yes I will. Going out now.
Conscience: And control yourself; your bias shows when you write things here. Don’t try to put words in her mouth or claim things you have no proof of
Me: Yeah I know
Conscience: And control your sex desire. Stop getting erotic feelings about her.
Me: Some sexual feeling is fine and very desirable. You stop acting like my super ego now! I have control on myself.
Conscience: You are incorrigible. See you are getting an erection even now you oversexed creature!
Me: I couldn’t care less! What is your problem; it’s a good thing! Stop spilling the beans.
Conscience: Ok, go now to South Ex and Nehru Place
Me: Yes thank you for the reminder, huh.
I am laughing and giggling
Since yesterday night; woke up at about 7.30 am and opened comp and again got something to smile about!
I am in great mood. S made my day! 
It really surprises me how someone can unknowingly do some things and lift your spirits.
Going for breakfast now.
Going out and some family news
Will leave at 9.45 am with a friend on auto (bus tickets are very expensive now 5,10, 15 Rupees; auto and taxi is better, also saves time) for cam repair and some computer related shopping.
My sis’s father-in-law is coming for an operation and they will stay at our home. They are not very good people frankly (unlike their son who has been like a son to my parents). Mummy will have to cook a lot of food daily and be busy with hospital tours (finding FIL’s blood gp is a really huge problem there). Also the problem is we do not get a good kaamwali there (they leave or steal though we support them monetarily and also pay lots in kind; my mom has substantially helped the marriage of many poor women). I suggested that all food be outsourced from some restaurant/dhaba but she can never agree to that.
I’m amused: A nice post on S and me with a smattering of sex
Late edit: Reading it again in the morning I didn’t feel so enthusiastic. I think I wrote this because I wanted to praise myself! Ok, even that is a good thing.
I have laughed lots rolling on the bed before writing this post and even got mild erection thinking of S (I love every erection I get dreaming of her; I feel like I have a right to get aroused thinking of her and I no more get those pangs of guilt. If I make tally marks on the walls of my room for every such erection I’ll fill the place in no time; hyperbole LOL!). This is a nice post on S and me because I am really amused by her latest behaviour.
S is behaving as if she thinks I’ve forgotten her or probably she no more wants to avoid me. Sometimes she is so closed and then sometimes she is so open and carefree. I cannot divulge the details but the change is of noticeable importance. This may be temporary and a one-off event but it amuses me just the same. Sometimes I feel we are playing some inexplicable cat and mouse game/ hide and seek with each other. Sometimes I feel the girl likes me but is shy of admitting it ( c’mon S, you can be brave!). I do not want to interpret the changes because I do not know all the data and variables but still it is a welcome event.
I’m thinking of writing a mail to S. There is no reason for it except sounding her out. All my previous mails to her have been SOS mails (never under normal circumstances). Should I take a chance? I think I will not write her any mail. But if she has feelings for me why is she hiding them from me?! I check my email every 3-4 days in the hope of finding a surprise mail from her LOL. I wish we were together. I need encouragement, scolding and inspiration and pestering to do what I can (esp when I’ve done nothing substantial with so much of talent especially in an age where every Tom, Dick and Chetan is publishing and becoming famous).
Sometimes I really fear the spectre of me getting a job/career that’s incompatible with her life. You see she is a scientist and her career has to be primary (mine should always be secondary because ’she’ has put in a lot of effort and time into it and I will never want her to quit things and ‘I’ will agree for adjustments; also you can’t make me work 9 to 5; I will make a writing career eventually though I’m taking a lot of time, curse my laziness). Life would have been so heavenly if she were with me: I pine for walking with her in the campus (also for announcing to all and sundry the woman in my life). Sometimes I imagine she is sitting on the bed while I am typing blog posts and I love that.
I think I should stop worrying about S having a man in her life. Why? Because my experience and observation tells me that ordinary men do not stand a chance with her; you have to be something special (and that does not necessarily mean being successful, rich or famous). S will test you and your patience for a long time (it will be 8 years between us in mid-2010; most men sleep with 2-3 girls in these many years or have regrets about life if they can’t) and not many can withstand that. It is only me who wants decades and not dates.
If there is anybody who thinks I am wasting my time after S or sympathises with me or pities me, think again because S is a real jewel (but I would have loved her even if she were a stupid girl). Sometimes I feel all the astrological analyses that I have read about Scorpio-Taurus compatibility is very true: the two signs are very different but if they decide to coalesce expect a miracle. I feel someday we will together do something very wonderful (including but not limited to enjoying immense sexual pleasure 
). I will feel like I’m the world’s most special man the day S will embrace me (Linda Goodman says you can pat yourself in the back for being a truly special man if a Scorpio girl has liked you).
All my science friends will get the shock of their life when they will hear that I have a scientist as a wife and then they will know why I was so fascinated by talks about the labs LOL. Amen! Unfortunately, most scientist males I have known did not want a scientist wife (they were also dying to fuck any girl they can and wanted to marry a homely girl through arranged marriage, dowry included).
BTW I am unsuitable for any other girl now. If S is not in my life I will not consider any girl for a long time (maybe never) because I can never be honestly in love with any other woman now leave alone thinking of marrying someone other than S. I hope my parents will understand this someday (I’ve not told them about S).
Tonight I will again sleep with her album beside my pillow. I just imagined her cute nose LOL. I will love to wipe that nose with a tissue esp if it’s a running nose in winter LOL.
Feeling nice. Going to bed now. I want to write ‘committed/taken’ in my online profiles because that is how it is whether or not she acknowledges it. I am committed to S: Taken, as they say!
Spent 4 hours with bro-in-law wearing a cap
He left for the airport an hour ago. I wore a cap as long as I was with him to hide my head injuries. He said he had read of the incidents here but did not enquire much.
We were out and fortunately we reached the hostel by 8.30 pm (because I do not want to go to restaurants and eat unhealthy food).
He gave me five hundred rupee notes as is his wont (and regretted that he was not carrying more cash).
LOL Notice: University of Michigan Masturbation policy
LOL! In our hostel/campus I had come close to putting up a similar notice for those who discard pubic hair in the bathrooms. Source: Topcultured
Sensation [A]
While I am typing this
I feel a strange, sweet
sensation in my manhood.
In no time it will
Spring to life and
Jostle against my new
White colour Jockey briefs
dying to penetrate.
Then after some time
It will have to die down
Withdraw and settle calmly
Curl up and fit snugly into the space
Jockeyingly called ‘doubled layer fly construction’
For ‘maximum support and comfort’
‘Made from 100% premium combed cotton.’
[Copyright: Musepaper]
I’ve become a kid vis-a-vis S!
Today is a different day indeed! And I am beginning the day (woke up at 6.15 am it was dark outside) laughing on myself. I had actually jumped to conclusion yesterday and I again removed a post in which I had gloated about it.
It was a simple error and omission on her part LOL! Do I have to compulsively attribute meaning to everything she does?! I should stop thinking things now.
